Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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