So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
