Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
