just survived the first fart of the relationship.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
