I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
