Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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