Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Less talking, more tequila
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
