non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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