i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
