I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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