I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
