I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
