yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
