if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
