Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
