right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
