I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
