I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
