I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
