i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
