my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
