you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
