Umm I'm too high to move.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
