how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
