Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
