New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
