Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
