By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
