Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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