I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
