i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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