it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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