Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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