So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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