I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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