Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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