Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
