ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
