Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
