capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you win again, gameday.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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