Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
