I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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