Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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