what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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