bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
