I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
