I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Someone came in the potted fern
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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