On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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