I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
