Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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