if i can run in heels then i can drive
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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