You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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