It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
